The Parent Trap

I've gotten a lot of questions lately about how my three year old is doing with our separation. To be honest I've been amazed at her lack of questions and her ability to just go with the flow.
She doesn't seem to think it's odd that I call our old house "daddy's house" our old car "daddy's car". I've asked her a couple times if she has any questions she wants to ask me. I ask her how she feels about having only daddy OR mommy nights, no more daddy AND mommy nights.
She always tells me she doesn't have any questions, things are fine. I honestly believe her because I can see how much happier and less needy she acts. So I don't really worry. Maybe she's just like her mom and has some gene that lets her take it as it comes.

Or maybe she's just three, and doesn't read too much into anything.

In any case, we were driving home tonight and Esme said "Mama I wrote you a note on the window"
"What does it say?"
"It says,
'Dear love mama and daddy.
This is so your hearts can grow.
I love you.
Esme' That's what is says"
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know, it's just a note that I wrote you. It's just for you."

Then later tonight her dad called to say good night. Esme answered the phone, talked to him, then brought me the phone.
"Hello" I said, "is it my turn?"
"I don't know, Esme said good night and handed me off"
"I know she just handed you to me? So...how are you?"
And off we went forced into a conversation.

So I'm thinking we may not so much have a little Shirley Temple on our hands as we have a Hayley Mills, right here under our own roofs!

Handling Lots of Things

I had a mama night tonight. That's what my daughter calls it when she spends the night with me.
There are Mama, Daddy, Babka or Daycare Days. And now there are Mama or Daddy nights.
For better or for worse neither my husband nor I have officially discussed (that I know of) the current changes with our daughter. I find it sort of surprising that she hasn't yet wondered why there are no more mama AND daddy nights...I guess it's early days yet.

Anyway, I don't like the Daddy nights. Don't get me wrong there are some wonderful aspects to having some evenings to myself. I was a single mom all summer and every now and then I REALLY wanted an evening to myself, but only because I knew I was unlikely to get it I think. Now it just feels wrong. I didn't sign up to be a part time mom. I think being a mom is an all or nothing thing, all or nothing in that you're a mom all the time (like right now when my daughter is lying in bed sobbing I want mommy time) or you don't become a mom.


Okay...so that part time mom thing, I guess it means when it's your time you're even more on. I went and had a little more mama time, we cuddled, I "itched the skin on her back", I even went to make sure that the "magic toilet" hadn't closed the lid by itself. (Don't ask me, it's not a magic toilet and the lid was still up...)


So where was I, I'm a mom and I really don't mind her being with her dad. I just want her to be with me...I guess they call that jealousy huh? I think that may be about the only thing I've had resentment over so far. That he took away my family, you know my ability to have a family unit that all lives under one roof and enjoys being with each other.
Realistically he took that away a long time ago for all intents and purposes, we were just really good at pretending every now and then.

That wasn't really so much fun either.

The best part of my day today (the best part of any day really) was when monkey (that's what we've always called my daughter) and I were walking to the car from the pool. I had the swimsuits, towels, my mittens, my purse and her noodle. She looks at me and says "Mom you are so good at handling lots of things"

Kid...you don't even know.