The Packers vs. The Steelers

I fear I have a reached a new low. And just when I thought I was doing so well.
I work right next door to the co-op in our town. In a store with big windows and from the balcony inside you can see the whole parking lot.
Today I was upstairs breaking the news to an older woman that we don't have any size 6 shoes because people up here don't have feet that small after the age of 10 (and 10 year olds just don't spend enough money).

Anyway. I was upstairs when out of the corner of my eye I saw our car pull into the parking lot. All focus was immediately gone, my. daughter. was. going. to. be. getting. out. of. that. car.

ummm, yes, you're right those $300 hand made jackets are beautiful, we (glance) love (glance) them (glance) too. And then out of the corner of my eye the flash of total pink that could only indicate one person. I got to watch her walk all the way to the co-op door.
My customers left and I immediately rushed up to the balcony. How long would they need to be inside?
I stood there, staring out the window realizing I had a lump in my throat and I was literally choking back tears.
I really thought I was doing so well, getting so much better at dealing with these daddy days.
Well clearly I was WAY off. Can this be a healthy reaction.
Just when I thought the tears would overwhelm me, out they came....they walked to the car. He reached in and put their purchase in the front seat...does this mean their coming inside to see me? Is he really going to bring her in? Happy Da - oh he's opening her door and lifting her in.
I wanted to wave with all my might...I'm here, watching you, loving you, acting insane for just a glimpse of you.
I drove home thinking about this whole experience and how I should approach daddy days based on this response....you know trying to have rational thoughts about this clearly totally emotional situation.
And as soon as I got home my phone rang. It was Esme calling me for the second time today (the first day she's ever called me on a daddy day).
"mama I put my dress back on. I had on a skirt and a tank top but now I put my summer dress back on."
"is that all you were calling to tell me?"
"yes, I love my summer dress, Daddy and I are eating dinner."
"well go focus on dinner with daddy. I'm so glad you called me."

Meanwhile my internal monologue was going full force, as I completed my own personal touchdown dance (two phone calls on a daddy day) "I  - win, I - win, I - win, I - win...."

Clearly I've still got some issues to work through.

The Parent Trap

I've gotten a lot of questions lately about how my three year old is doing with our separation. To be honest I've been amazed at her lack of questions and her ability to just go with the flow.
She doesn't seem to think it's odd that I call our old house "daddy's house" our old car "daddy's car". I've asked her a couple times if she has any questions she wants to ask me. I ask her how she feels about having only daddy OR mommy nights, no more daddy AND mommy nights.
She always tells me she doesn't have any questions, things are fine. I honestly believe her because I can see how much happier and less needy she acts. So I don't really worry. Maybe she's just like her mom and has some gene that lets her take it as it comes.

Or maybe she's just three, and doesn't read too much into anything.

In any case, we were driving home tonight and Esme said "Mama I wrote you a note on the window"
"What does it say?"
"It says,
'Dear love mama and daddy.
This is so your hearts can grow.
I love you.
Esme' That's what is says"
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know, it's just a note that I wrote you. It's just for you."

Then later tonight her dad called to say good night. Esme answered the phone, talked to him, then brought me the phone.
"Hello" I said, "is it my turn?"
"I don't know, Esme said good night and handed me off"
"I know she just handed you to me? So...how are you?"
And off we went forced into a conversation.

So I'm thinking we may not so much have a little Shirley Temple on our hands as we have a Hayley Mills, right here under our own roofs!

It's freezing, it's freezing, I hope I don't start sneezing

I would hate to get a reputation for this sort of thing but I have to express what I'm honestly feeling.
Today we have to break up.
We had a great run.
Sure when it was fresh and new everything was beautiful and wonderful.
I love the way you transformed my world like nothing else ever had...
But really, I've never known someone who couldn't take a hint.
I've ignored you for weeks now, I've started going outside without a hat and mittens, and one day even without a coat in blatant defiance of your perseverance.
I've avoided shoveling for days hoping you would get the hint and stop coming around.

LOOK -- Just because I finally get the shovel out, that is not an invitation to come over and play!
The cursing I do as I struggle to move you off my porch...that's not cute, and I'm not trying to start a conversation.

I'm sorry snow, but it's over between us. I'm angry...A-N-G-R-Y.
Please take a hint already and just move on.
You know, maybe if you could give me 8 months or so we could try to be friends again. Start slow, see if we could talk it out...hang out every now and then.
I'm just gonna need time, and some space...is that too much to ask?

Banner Day

BIG SISTER HAS GOOD IDEA

I'm such a terrible little sister I can no longer remember said idea....
But I do remember it was GOOD
So mark your calendar folks, mark your calendar.
This is the day!

just the reassurance you were looking for

My mother in law just called to tell me a story that's had her cracking up all day.

Yesterday was a Babka day for Esme, while they are in the car babka usually tells her the story of goldilocks.
Yesterday she thought she would get creative and told her Tikki-Tikki-Tembo-No-Sa-Rembo instead.
After the first telling Esme requested she tell it again.. As soon as the story ended Esme said:

"That is a REALLY boring story Babka, but don't worry, you won't ever have to tell it again!"

At least it didn't end with a trip to the emergency room...oh wait

Monkey and I are dog sitting.
We've been here two weeks already and have one more week to go.
This weekend we have two dogs.
One of these dogs is my friend's and the other belongs to her parents. We're staying at her parents house which is "next door" to hers. Next door in the country here means a five minute walk through the woods or a quick drive up one driveway and down the one next door.
When we're all at my friends house these dogs go out for hours on end. Hours! You put them outside and hours later realize, maybe someone should go down and let them in.
While everyone's been gone these same dogs will stay outside for 10 min. MAX.
It's fine, it doesn't really matter to me, it's just that the short stints outside result in a lot of pacing on the part of one of the dogs.

Today after I put monkey down for her nap I put the dogs outside. An hour later I realized I didn't hear any scratching or barking to come back in. once I leaned outside I could hear the dogs barking in the distance but no amount of yelling would bring them home. This of course got me worried (because that's what mom's do, on a practically professional level, as far as I can tell.) worried, not only because as I've already mentioned we're out in the country (in country where you can hear the wolves every night) but also because I could hear the plows going by every time I stuck my head out the door to call for the ever barking mutts.
I really don't want to be that dog sitter where you come home and there is no dog...
Barking....that can mean trouble right?
Can't leave the sleeping child...even to run next door and see if that's where the dogs are....
Shouldn't leave the child right?
Dogs? Other peoples dogs....
The kid will be fine...leave the kid?
Can't leave the kid...dogs are fine! Dogs must be fine!

Finally the kid wakes up (still talking about exactly what she was talking about right before she went to sleep, how do they do that?). Immediately we put on coats and boots and head out to the car to go check next door for the dogs....
We jump in the car and...Nothing!  You heard it nothing....the car won't start. It's an old car and finally I did it. I turned the headlights on for the drive home from church in the snow storm and when we got home I forgot to turn them off. No problem! we're parked right outside the garage with two other cars inside...one of them must have jumper cables.
Hmmm....no jumper cables....This calls for a more thorough appraisal of the garage and perhaps a plan B or at this rate C.
Are those children's snow shoes? right on top of Adult snowshoes?  Perfect, we'll walk next door and retrieve the dogs....wait, two children's snow shoes, on top of One adult snow shoe. Who has three snowshoes and how could this get worse? Ohh....I should not have even thought that.
Okay, we can't drive, we can't walk (monkey will never make it in all this snow), what can I do...It would be so helpful if there were jumper cables somewhere in this garage, jumper cables like those ones (back up a few steps) there they are! inside that box....jumper cables.

So...just a little recap here, I've got:
*One monkey screaming in the back of my car...the car that won't start
*Two missing dogs....but at least I can hear them barking (a positive I think...)
*Three snowshoes (I'm still a bit baffled by this one...three?? snowshoes?)
*Jumper cables and two cars...so things are looking up!

Ever since this one time in college when a friend used my car and my jumper cables to jump a strangers car I'm a bit of a nervous jumper. See the result in that incident was that the strangers car started but mine then would not. Something about reversed cables and...something...and a hundred or so dollars and an unexpected tow truck ride later we finally left New Hampshire...anyway I always just get a little nervous.
So I did the logical thing and called my dad....just to clarify that I was going to do it the right way.
Where did my dad answer from you might ask? Well you would if you were psychic and had any idea that my dad answered from the emergency room!

Yes the emergency room (could this afternoon get any better). He's been sick with a bronchial problem that's not getting better and a 2 1/2 hour wait at urgent care yesterday wasn't enough for him it turns out. Anyway as a daughter who always puts others first I viewed this call as a great distraction from the no doubt torturous wait my dad was enduring and went ahead and asked my jumper cable question.
In the middle of our conversation I dropped my phone in the snow and it then decided on it's own that I wanted to be talking to my dad on a head set. (God bless technology). quick end to that conversation.
And in the middle of all of this, two rambunctious dogs came racing up to the house...
"whatcha' doin? whatcha' doin? are we getting in the car? are we going somewhere?"
I was too excited they were back to even be annoyed at their stupid questions!

So one last recap, I've now got:
*A child screaming because she wants out of the car
*Two dogs racing about being all excited that we're going on an adventure
*Still got those three? snow shoes!
*A car that won't start...but also jumper cables and another car to start it with
*A father in the emergency room

When is my nap time?

There's a reason I own a book called How to Cook Everything

Honestly Ms. Crocker....you know we're not all happy housewives out here and I am appalled that you are not even able to give me some idea how long I should plan to run on the elliptical while waiting for my sweet potato to bake.

Have I mentioned that I hate daddy days? Not that my three year old knows how long to bake a potato but she can make a damn good loaf of bread so honestly...maybe she should be cooking me dinner.

Anyway, thank goodness for the online. I'll happily eat my potato cooked at 450 degrees in 20-30 min.